Dear 24 year old self,
Breathe. Your life is not over. In three years, you will find yourself crying as you nurse your baby boy to sleep. The tears won't be from pain, but from relief and joy and thankfulness. Those infant growth spurts in which they nurse and nurse and nurse will cause you some sitting pain, but there are wonderful breastfeeding resources that tell you 1) it's okay to take pain medication and breastfeed and 2) ways to nurse lying down.
Right now you think you've lost your independence. You have. But God gave your husband supernatural compassion and sacrificial love for you during your time of dependence. You are provided for. You will gain more independence one day, but it's not a promise. Try to see the beauty in how your husband loves you, and how it is representative of Christ's love. In less than 2 years from now, you will travel by yourself to California, and in 3 years you will drive you and your new baby to see family, while your husband stays home.
Get off the pudendal nerve entrapment forums. Run to a forum called Happy Pelvis.
Call the wonderful PT's in San Francisco. They're a wealth of knowledge. Ask them to do a phone consult with you and your local PT's.
For goodness sake, get yourself a pain management doctor. Take some Lortab. Take some Valium. Those daily medications are doing nothing for you; you need a relief plan.
That labral tear theory? Yeah, there's some truth to that. Keep researching it. You've got some crazy messed up hips. But when you see the hip specialist, leave out the pudendal nerve stuff. It will make office visits clearer.
And the endometriosis suspicion? Yeah, that's true too.
Debt is okay. Quit worrying about it. Your health is an investment.
Try talking to God a little bit more. 10 months without prayer is a long time, and I'd love to spare you that loneliness and heartache. He'll take you back, even with suicidal thoughts.
Please refuse nerve blocks. I know you probably won't, because you're eager for relief and a diagnosis. Go ahead and read up on a condition called Addison's disease or adrenal insufficiency. That's going to come in handy in a few months.
Quit being embarrassed over your cushion. One day, you will go to a work conference with your cushion. On the second day of the conference, two of your coworkers will bring cushions after seeing you with yours. True story. (Hiding your cushion in a bag is not making it inconspicuous, by the way.)
A marriage can be beautiful without sex. In sickness and in health....you're sick right now.
I promise God's going to give you children. Promise.
I can't promise you permanent healing. I still don't have it. But I can tell you this: you will catch a break, if only a temporary break, in just a couple of years. And the answers, oh the answers you'll have! Knowledge and more clues about your body are coming. Pelvic pain treatment in your local area is getting better and better. Be good to yourself, and surround yourself with people who love you. Be honest about your pain and your struggles. Ask for prayer. And please, please, please go to therapy sooner.
Lots of Prayers Needed!
5 days ago